Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Randomize