I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
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