I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Randomize
