Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Randomize