Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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