my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
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now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
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someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
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