he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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