I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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