I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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