Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
