I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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