saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
These 21 Drunks Said The Darndest Things
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
These 25 Irresponsible People Blew All Their Cash On Drugs, Booze, & Sex
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Put some vodka in it
put some vodka in it
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....