I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
is wine microwaveable?
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?