Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?