Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
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He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
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will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder