just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
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