I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.