alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Randomize
