And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
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