i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Randomize
