So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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