I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
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