I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
