I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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