I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
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