I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
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he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
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