I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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