So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
