If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
