I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Randomize
