Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Randomize
