Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
He is an equal opportunity slut.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Randomize
