I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
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