It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
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