Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize
