if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
