My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
