I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
