Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Randomize
