we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Randomize
