I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
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Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
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If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
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