I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
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Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
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I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
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