remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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