Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
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