They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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