it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
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