I think I can smell my own vagina right now
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Randomize
