my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Randomize
