I'm gonna have a badass scar
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
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