Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
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