When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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