plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Randomize
