She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
