He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
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