I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
