Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
