I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
