Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
