I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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