just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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